Using A Dating Agency Gifts

The dating agency had promised an 'out of this world' experience.

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

'Hey...here's a hot prospect...likes catching frisbees, chasing squirrels, rolling in smelly stuff...'

I couldn't resist his pickup line. He said he had a job.

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

'I won't rule out using sex as a weapon, but I do have a 'no first use' policy.'

'How do you like your egg?'

The singles bar...

Small Talk

"You may 'have a thing for Earth women' Mr. Zing. But I'm afraid we don't have any on our files that express a similar interest in Venusian men."

Carbon Dating Agency

Courtship display

'I'll tell you a joke; I lied about the GSOH!'

'Your blind date reminded you of a TV star?, 'Yeah -- I think he was wearing Columbo's raincoat.'

I am sorry you can't have Sonia,she is for display only.'

'Love and affection, loyalty, big brown eyes. Yes, we've got just the thing for you.'

'Can't be high-maintenance, but she must have class. Economy class.'

'Best thing I ever did was join a dating agency. Turns out my perfect partner is beer!'

'I think I would get along really well with someone as disagreeable as me.'

'I'm not supposed to say this, but I think you'd be better off with a cat.'

"I told the dating service I hated the bar scene. I suppose you did, too."

'They couldn't exactly get me a date, but they offered me a job as a practice dummy.'

'Long time, no she.'

"Any other skills besides having the ability to look busy?"

'I'd like to go to the one most deserving'

'Do you scan them for viruses?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

"Wait....What's this in your bio that says 'in seven relationships'?"

'No, the waiting room here probably isn't a good place to meet women...'

"Take a look at this guy, Ellen - Doesn't he look just right for 'Crazy Sally'?"

'That 'perfect match' you set me up with last week, turned out to be my ex- wife!'