Dating Agency Critic Gifts

I am sorry you can't have Sonia,she is for display only.'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

'How do you like your egg?'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

Carbon Dating Agency

'I'll tell you a joke; I lied about the GSOH!'

Dead cupid

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

"You may 'have a thing for Earth women' Mr. Zing. But I'm afraid we don't have any on our files that express a similar interest in Venusian men."

'Love and affection, loyalty, big brown eyes. Yes, we've got just the thing for you.'

"Oh, great... they say they all have headaches."

'I'm not supposed to say this, but I think you'd be better off with a cat.'

Sue meets another Winner

'I think I would get along really well with someone as disagreeable as me.'

"I told the dating service I hated the bar scene. I suppose you did, too."

Sterns Father. 'What an unearthly hour that young fellow stops till every night, Doris. What does your mother say about it?' Daughter. 'She says men haven't altered a bit pa.'

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."

"He looked a lot bigger online."

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

'I'd like to go to the one most deserving'

The currency of love - Size is everything.

'I can't believe you actually JOINED the 'Psycho Girlfriend of the Month' Club!'

"Please may I see you again - I find your opinions so easy to trash."

'I remember when sex on the first date was shocking. Now they don't even bother with a date!'

'A house? You must be joking! He doesn't even have his own teeth.'

'Do you scan them for viruses?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

"That's an unusual, orange jumpsuit!"

'This could be another chapter for my book on easy pickups.'

'...Anyway, enough about me. Tell me a little bit about yourself.'

'That 'perfect match' you set me up with last week, turned out to be my ex- wife!'

The dating agency had promised an 'out of this world' experience.