Dating Pro Pillows

Small Talk

I couldn't resist his pickup line. He said he had a job.

The singles bar...

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

Boyfriend of the Month.

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

"You and your daft inventions."

The Stages of Wine

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

'Not...one...drop.'

'You never kiss me like that.'

'Santa ! Bring my Baby Back!' - 'You didn't tell me she was hot!'

"It's amazing. We've just met, but I feel like we've known each other since we were kids, became high school sweethearts, got married too young, had a bunch of brats, went through a messy divorce, reconciled, remarried each other, and are now back together after all these years."

"Not so fast, Casanova! I want to get to know a man and his intentions better before I allow him to accompany me to the cinema!"

"I must say, Doctor Jeckyll, that you bear little resemblance to your profile picture."

"Before we take this any further, I'd like us to open about our internet history."

"There's a kind of rhythm to making money that something inside me responds to."

'Wow!... Look at the personality on her!'

Tom prepares for his hot date.

"I'm a simple man, really."

"You look sharp, like a carefully aged Cheddar."

'How do you like your egg?'

'Well thank you Igor!! I spend all night making small talk with the blonde and Mr. googly eyes has to show up!!'

"I want to get rich while you're still beautiful."

"But he's no longer with us."

"Plenty of fish"

"So - we meet at last."

Speed Dating

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'