Dating Pool Explorer Pillows

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

Online Dating

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Two love poems in swimming pool. Shallow end and deep end.

"I just love a nice knight out."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"Your online profile says you like to foxtrot."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Hi!- standards need lowering?"

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

Swimming Champion.

"Is that 'good reptilian' or 'bad reptilian'?"

Baptism - "Actually he's quite looking forward to it."

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"I must say, Doctor Jeckyll, that you bear little resemblance to your profile picture."

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

'I thought dinner was going so well!'

"I'll be honest with you, Jeannette, I'm looking for a no-load relationship."

'I didn't know you had this pool heated!'