Dating Pool Explorer Pillows

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

Online Dating

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Two love poems in swimming pool. Shallow end and deep end.

"I just love a nice knight out."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"Your online profile says you like to foxtrot."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Hi!- standards need lowering?"

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

Swimming Champion.

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

Baptism - "Actually he's quite looking forward to it."

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"Is that 'good reptilian' or 'bad reptilian'?"

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

"I must say, Doctor Jeckyll, that you bear little resemblance to your profile picture."

'I thought dinner was going so well!'

'I didn't know you had this pool heated!'

"I'll be honest with you, Jeannette, I'm looking for a no-load relationship."

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

"You've been saying we're getting an inground pool since we got married, and I gave up."