Dating Escapade Fan Pillows

'Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.'

"Well, this is me."

"She's just being Koi."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

Newly married couple on a magic carpet.

"Is this your first time with an undercover cop?"

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

'Oh, those are just for show. We don't have electricity.'

"Sorry, but I never get a girls name tattooed, on a first date!"

"He said he was a dog person so I dated him, but he was secretly a cat person."

"If there's one thing this business has taught me...it's the vital importance of dotting the 'i's' and crossing the 't's' to make sure you're protected against ALL contingencies!"

'Yep! She said the corner of 'get lost' and 'never' at midnight.'

'Well I struck out that time. She says she doesn't drink.'

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

'I finally met a macho, self-assured, good-looking guy, and wouldn't you know it? - He's doing thirty years to life!'

"Same old, same old, men seem intimidated by a strong woman..."

"If you won't let me pay for dinner, at least let me pay for sex later."

"Not tonight, dear. I have a head injury."

"During a single week in New York we got robbed three times and Henry got shot!"

'I'm not playing hard to get. I'm a lesbian.'

A young man creating an awkward silence

'Got any women repellent?'

OK, I'm a little shallow, but I'm meaningful.

Mona Lisa in a bar: 'Forget it, Ted...she's way out of your league!'

'...then he asked me to drive down the road with the mobile to give him phone sex.'

'I'll just ring mother to see if I'm free to take you out on Saturday.'

Why did you cancel your Uber?

"But that's enough about me. What about you?"