Dating Dynamics Analyst T-Shirts

There's something wrong here. Your eyes say 'No," and your lips are like limpid pools. Shouldn't it be the other way around? ?

You're wearing your lab coat. What's up? Something big. Amending my unified theory of picking up chicks. Check it out. Explain, doctor. To start, you'll need a notepad and a gym membership.

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

"Nothing against you, Whonk, but Oog is a real stand-up guy."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Why don't you move over here, Mr. Lowery, where you'll be closer to everything."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

(Phil Hanson and the Philettes)

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

'But enough about me... let's talk about you. Do you prefer plain or ribbed condoms?'

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

'I tried to get him to reinvent himself, but he said he couldn't get a patent.'

Bloody Little Hitler

'Hi, I'm Sheldon, and I want to speak to you about perception management!'

Nerd night out.

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

"Rick, here, is totally passive, and you always have to be in control, so I thought you might like each other."

'Mismatched Mantras'

'He's a nice guy, but he doesn't bite, if you know what I mean.'

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'

I drink to forget. Is that just for things in the past, or does it cover mistakes you might make later tonight?

"Before I ask you out. . . you're not a murderer, are you?"

'Harold doesn't have an ego problem. It doesn't bother him that he's inferior to me in every way.'

"If you won't let me pay for dinner, at least let me pay for sex later."

'Can he call you back? He's rehearsing his apology!'

'Ms. Parker, who undercooked these numbers?'

This had better be important. Hillary Clinton has got me thinking, Darlene. For eight years, she's been teasing us about whether she'll run for president. Maybe you've just been teasing me about us all these years. First of all, that's a sexist way to speak about Hillary Clinton. Secondly, I haven't been teasing you, Rudy. I just don't like you like that!!!! So you're saying I've got a chance?

'Y'know, those mood rings are pretty accurate!'

"Men have intuition, too -- they just have to learn to distrust it."

I'm in a quandary, Ann. On the one hand, I was hoping to have "the most fun you can have without laughing" tonight. On the other hand, this being a comic strip, going for laughs is the whole idea. What would Beetle Bailey do?

"I would be my own harshest critic, but I don't have the heart to steal that joy away from my wife."