Dating Dynamics Aficionados T-Shirts

"I'd ask you up, Richard, but my roommates and I have a pretty strict 'no-"Times"-twits-in-seersucker' policy."

'He's a nice guy, but he doesn't bite, if you know what I mean.'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

"Darling, wait until you taste the new year's menu I have ordered for us!"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Why don't you move over here, Mr. Lowery, where you'll be closer to everything."

"You lack spontaniety."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

'He had bulging muscles and a wallet to match!'

"Your profile said you were a dog."

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

"I hope you don't think I'm the kind who would hibernate on the first date."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Alligator Bars

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'It's our fifth date, so I'll take a box of impatience.'

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

"No darling, there's nothing magical in the air, I just farted"