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Husband Specific G.P.S.

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

Black and white penguins with gray and black and white child.

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'Grandparents! This time last year I wasn't good enough to marry your daughter, but now I've fathered the brightest child in the universe!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."