Marriage Dynamics Aficionado Gifts

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

'Grandparents! This time last year I wasn't good enough to marry your daughter, but now I've fathered the brightest child in the universe!'

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."