Marriage Dynamics Explorer Gifts

'Other women get hot flashes -- My wife has temperature tantrums.'

"You like it? It's a mood ring - my husband gave it to me as part of his early warning system."

"Have you seen a lady who looks like she'd be married to me."

"Ever since the World Cup she's insisted on wearing the captain's arm band!"

'My wife says she wants a car that reflects her personality, desirability and social status. This was the closest thing I could find.'

'That's what's bad about being married to an archaeologist. He's always digging up my past!'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

"Why don't you move over here, Mr. Lowery, where you'll be closer to everything."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"OK, now what?"

"I'm going to New Zealand for a walk."

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

The Last Husband and Wife Team Hired

"You don't like my cooking, do you?"

'Will these glasses help him see things my way?'

'She originally told you she wanted love and understanding? Well, her list has grown.'

'But enough about me... let's talk about you. Do you prefer plain or ribbed condoms?'

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

Tunnel of love

"Trying to auction me won't work!"

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

"It's his favorite time of year."

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

'You may have to go through the pain barrier today.'

"If we're going to train him, we have to start with simple, basic commands he'll understand."

'Just think - he used to be a merciless original.'

'I prefer to hire married men to bachelors. Married men don't get upset when I shout at them.'

"And will you take my name even if you wind up making more money than I do?"