Marriage Dynamics Explorer Gifts

'Other women get hot flashes -- My wife has temperature tantrums.'

"Have you seen a lady who looks like she'd be married to me."

'My wife says she wants a car that reflects her personality, desirability and social status. This was the closest thing I could find.'

'That's what's bad about being married to an archaeologist. He's always digging up my past!'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

"Why don't you move over here, Mr. Lowery, where you'll be closer to everything."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"OK, now what?"

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

"I'm going to New Zealand for a walk."

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"You don't like my cooking, do you?"

The Last Husband and Wife Team Hired

'Will these glasses help him see things my way?'

'But enough about me... let's talk about you. Do you prefer plain or ribbed condoms?'

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'She originally told you she wanted love and understanding? Well, her list has grown.'

"Trying to auction me won't work!"

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

"It's his favorite time of year."

"Anything wrong, sweetie pie? You've been ignoring the tip jar lately."

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

"Sulk all you want Edward, we are not adding sporting equipment to our wedding registry!"

'You may have to go through the pain barrier today.'

"I was TOO listening. I just wasn't caring."

"And will you take my name even if you wind up making more money than I do?"

"How come I never see that smile?"

'I prefer to hire married men to bachelors. Married men don't get upset when I shout at them.'

'Just think - he used to be a merciless original.'

A husband and wife who have fallen off of their bicycle