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Stout wife who can't fit through a small gap.

I like the Jets...I guess

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

"You don't like my cooking, do you?"

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

Family Portrait

The Last Husband and Wife Team Hired

'There can be such a thing as too much parental involvement.'

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'She originally told you she wanted love and understanding? Well, her list has grown.'

"Trying to auction me won't work!"

"It's his favorite time of year."

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

"Anything wrong, sweetie pie? You've been ignoring the tip jar lately."

"You said it. I heard it. There's no taking it back, Harold!"

"It's amazing how the captures one's true, inner self."

"And will you take my name even if you wind up making more money than I do?"

How you can tell when someone else buys your clothes.

'I prefer to hire married men to bachelors. Married men don't get upset when I shout at them.'

'Just think - he used to be a merciless original.'

'He's at the age where he's too old to be cute and too young be sensible!'

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

"My feet are cold. Be a dear and warm them!"

"If we're going to train him, we have to start with simple, basic commands he'll understand."

'You must have been just a little girl when you married daddy.'

"He married her for her stuff."