Dating Disaster Collectors Pillows

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"I knew I should've swiped left."

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

He couldn't put his finger on it but something told Colin the date wasn't going well.

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

"It's true, of course, that I'm just a machine, but I do have a built-in vibrator."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

But I told you I just wanted to be friends. Sue. Ed.

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

"Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure." "Sorry." "As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone." "Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw?" "Or did the fault lie entirely with my date?" "Feel free to speak candidly." "Mother."

"Public display of rejection"

"He was a lousy date!"

'Reading between the lines Colin began to suspect that a second date was unlikely!'

"A MacArthur, the lecture circuit, and thou!"

'Talk about a disastrous blind date: A quick look at her teeth told me she was a lot older than she said...'

A young man creating an awkward silence

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"Actually, in my younger days, I was really a Wildman."

"I see you've never dated a clairvoyant before."

'This should teach you never to ask Naomi Campbell out on a date.'

How was your date with the girl wolverine, Axel? It started off badly at the restaurant. I told the Maitre d' I wanted a table for two and he replied, "two what?" I then gnawed off his left leg. Things went downhill from there.

Can't that dating service ever get it right?

"Just for future reference, save your private heartache for the third or fourth date."

"Don't get me wrong – I'm pro crazy bitches."