Dating Adventures Collector Pillows

"Enough about my penis. What's new with the ol' vagina?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

Romantic Coffee Dates

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"Is that 'good reptilian' or 'bad reptilian'?"

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"We met through a contact tracing app."

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

"We pointed, but we never clicked."