Dating Adventures Collector Pillows

"Enough about my penis. What's new with the ol' vagina?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

Biological Cuckoo clock

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

Ostrich Bar

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

Romantic Coffee Dates

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Is that 'good reptilian' or 'bad reptilian'?"

"We met through a contact tracing app."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

"We pointed, but we never clicked."