Dating Story Collectors Pillows

"Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure." "Sorry." "As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone." "Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw?" "Or did the fault lie entirely with my date?" "Feel free to speak candidly." "Mother."

"First date hairball... awkward."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"I cleaned out the RV. We accumulated a lot stuff since we started RVing..."

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Newborn making the V-sign

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"We met through a contact tracing app."

"Hmm....who's this tall drink of water?"

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

"Will you be keeping your own name or rebranding?"

Robo-Date Dating Service. We'll have to fix you up before we can fix you up.

Sea Angel

"Well, I'm sort of between quests at the moment."

"I'm sorry, but I made a big mistake by running off with you. I'm really in love with the fork."

Football Manager's Parrot

"It's true, of course, that I'm just a machine, but I do have a built-in vibrator."

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

"Who's the fairest of them all, not using instagram filters?"

"I've been diagnosed with duel personalities."

Personal ad: 'Cosa seeking Nostra.'

'Reading between the lines Colin began to suspect that a second date was unlikely!'

The Ballad of Wooly Pete

'The problem with granddad buying hotdogs is we have to hear how cheap they were when he was a kid.'

Prince pulls whole hair and face off of Rapunzel's head.

'Sorry, but I never kiss on a last date.'

"And as always, two-hundred no shows."

I hear you're taking reproductive health. Don't be jealous, Nana. It's boring. Too bad! We had memorable sex ed! Way back then? Yep. Way back

'It's so romantic - 6 months ago Jerry was the CEO, and Tim was just the copy boy!'

'It was a maneuver he put on me alright but I now think, it wasn't the Heimlich...'

'Hello, dating agency? Who was the genuis that matched me up with Edward Scissorhands?!'

"Enough about my penis. What's new with the ol' vagina?"