Dating Humor Collector Pillows

"It's true, of course, that I'm just a machine, but I do have a built-in vibrator."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Bert's dog training.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Eat me"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Cake Free Zone

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"Guide to physical comedy fish"

Bathroom Fairy

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'