Relationship Tales Collector Pillows

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Bee to othe: 'You knew I was a workaholic when we first met.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

WHIRLWIND COURTSHIP

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Newborn making the V-sign

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

'Actually thursday'll be a perfect time to come by Penny. That way you'll finally get the chance to meet my other half.'

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"We met through a contact tracing app."

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

Brothers Grimm

"Will you be keeping your own name or rebranding?"

The world's most uncomfortable guy on his first day at work. 'This company is run by all my ex-girlfriends.'

"She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture..."

Anne didn't see the relationship as being over....

'Give me a hand, you big lug -- I can't make breakfast all by MYSELF!'

Prompts on the Antiques Roadshow.

Football Manager's Parrot

'This is for a different book.'

"I'm sorry, but I made a big mistake by running off with you. I'm really in love with the fork."

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

'He's not a patient. He's an antique collector. He's interested in the magazines in our waiting room.'

"Fee fi fo fiddle, i feel the need to piddle!"

The Emperor's New Plane.