Data Processor Gifts

Dataholic.

'This used to take hours.'

'Sorry, I'm late, but the databank had me confused with another Arvin K Wheatley and I was questioned by the authorities about smuggling arms into Afghanistan.'

400 words per minute! Is that typing or shredding?

Garbage in, garbage out.

'For openers, your credit is lousy.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

'Maybe we have the wrong subject for this brain mapping project.'

Violent Crime Statistics

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

"Eureka! Details to follow."

Bottled water straight from the Potomac, Congo and Ganges. Bottled waters that never had much market share.

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'It looks like our data.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."