Data Lover Gifts

"It doesn't matter what you like - according to the demographics, this is the car for you."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'It's your other 0.5.'

"Here we see the size of your portion, choice of toppings and cost per slice. If we're in agreement, I'll place the order."

"My data is bigger than your data."

'I'm depressed Ms. Hartwig. Send in some optimistic economic data to cheer me up.'

"Workboy"

Likes Charts Likes Pie

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

"I feel that showing my family data reveals more than a mere photograph can convey."

"Statistically there's a o.3% probability that your heart rate is through the roof and you're desperate to rip my clothes off."

Berlin, 1926, Hans Geiger, counting.

Census: 'Do you know who I am?'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'If I may discuss the pie chart first I'll then reveal my source!

Big Data Tonight

"I am 98.3 percent happy to see you all!"

"Too much information."

He's our most reliable researcher...highly stable and chemically inert.

Fear/Knowledge

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

"Graph of broth"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

(Visual gag) Wellard's annual BIG HANDBAG SALE!! A woman is dragging a huge bag out from a bag shop

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'If I may say so, business is booming.'