Data Junkie Gifts

'I'm graphing the likelihood of me keeping this New Year's resolutions based on all of my previous resolutions. It doesn't look good for me.'

Data Hoarders

'Rap sheets! All the latest criminal stats! Get your rap sheets here!'

Spanish Unemployment

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"And this new set of polls tracks people's reactions to our last set of polls."

Exceeded My Data Plan Limit

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Fear/Knowledge

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

National Everything Awareness Day

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

Big Data Tonight

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

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