Data-driven Lover Gifts

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

" ... and based on the most recent data available, do you take this man ... "

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Fear/Knowledge

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

Big Data Tonight

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

Aggression/Security

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'