Data Enthusiast Gifts

"That's what I want to say. See if you can find some statistics to prove it."

"87% of the 56% who completed more than 23% of the survey thought it was a complete waste of time."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'Before I make my decision, I'd like to see those meaningless statistics again.'

"Well, get some new numbers or I'm getting a new numbers guy."

'Now look at this. This is interesting!'

'But then again...we could be wrong.'

'Assuming present trends continue, the odds are quite good that we'll become the best-informed extinct species on the planet!'

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

Room for Error

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Look, we've got to improve our voter-tracking algorithms if we want to make more accurate wild-ass guesses."

"I love your optimism."

"The good news is that I've got all the figures...the bad news is that I'm not sure what order I'm meant to put them in!"

'If at first you don't get the survey results you want on your first survey, get mad and tear it up.'

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

'While you're young, your job is to download and store as much data as possible...one day, you'll realize that a very cool utility program called 'wisdom' has interlaces with your operating system...'

Market Analyst with Graphs Labelled: 'Optimism, Pessimism, and Reality.'

'Okay, here's an abandoned storage locker with some random data that may or may not be useful. We'll start the bidding at $50...'

'Sometimes I just feel like processing some data, but I have no data to process - other times I have the data, but I have nothing to process it with.'

"See? There. I think something bad happened right there."

"And this is another economic indicator."

" 40% of the population is overweight...you appear to account for 17% of that figure"

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'Or we can go with trial-and-error.'

'That's from the last year the data was available.'

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

Ticking boxes on a checklist.

"Is it just me or have these numbers lost their crunchiness?"

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'Johnson, there's more to this business than just piling up big numbers.'