Data Joker Gifts

'It doesn't matter what kind of pie it is, Andrew, it's just a chart.'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Fear/Knowledge

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Big Data Tonight

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

'If you don't like the way I program, just say so!'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

Tell Figgis I'm busy.

Information Tightrope.

She never said "Da-da." She went right to "data."

"Is this piece of artwork or a chart of current market trends?"

Vacation Mobile

"So a horse has 6 legs, forelegs at the front and 2 at the back?"

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

Man stabbed by fallin arrow on wall chart.

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"