Darkness Gifts

A vampire with a darkness flashlight

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Huddling Lampposts

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Edgar Allen Poe

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Dead Funny

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

100 best beheadings

"Tastes great, less killing!"

Nick Cave

Vincent Van Goth.

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

Great, the skeletons of all the other cartoon characters who were here before us.

'Passengers were on their way to a clown convention. We've 7 fatalities and 174 in hospital.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

Monster fixing boy's car bed.

"It just don't feel right, drinking him like that."

Special Place in Hell...

"So, Claire tells me you ate her parents last night."

Poetry reading nightly

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

'Step one inexploring a newly discovered cave- wade thru the bat guano.'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'Today our special guest is Pamela, who will be telling us what it's like to have an extreme fear of being in the dark. To protect her identity we've placed her in a darkened studio.'

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

"Hmm....who's this tall drink of water?"

"You like woodwork class then, son?"