Darkness Delver Gifts

'Step one inexploring a newly discovered cave- wade thru the bat guano.'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

'See how the fools flee when fantasy role-play is fantasy no longer!'

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

Viral Pathology Center (janitor finding three dead bodies)

Clone Factory

'A xebec and fluyt passed a heptad of shilpit grugrus.'

"It's not so bad! But I DO have to sleep on my side. . .2

Found pearls! No way I'm leaving. . . Amelia.

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'Think about it: If we blow up the bridge, they'll have to swim across again...'

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

"Congratulations, dear, you're the sickest looking one on the whole floor."

Lovers' Leap

Farmer planting the next crop of PC's.

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'That would be a whole lot funnier if it weren't hooked up to your colostomy bag.'

'You're supposed to give two weeks notice, you know.'

"With the quarantine over, I decided to dig a hold in the basement!"

"And for dessert we offer death by chocolate, after life sponge, or the damned for eternity tart."

Boxes entitled 'Suggestions' and 'Last words'.

'...He's always been the life of the party.'

Mom's Mortuary

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

Good News, Bad News - Save the Leg.

"Sorry – there's a shortage of beds. On the bright side, you're way more infectious than the guy next to you."

'That's why patients shouldn't be told certain things.'

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'Well, I don't know how to break the bad news to you, Mr. Jenson, but ...'

"Is there anyone else in bookkeeping who would like one last picture with Mr. Pinkston?"

Turkey Funeral Planning