Dark Humor Devotees Gifts

'Bugger!'

"I don't care what anyone says, I'm cold."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Dead Funny

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

The practical psychopath

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Housekeeping?!"

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Pastries and Candy

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

"I'm the bad guy..."

"Puss in cement boots"

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

End the Winter Blues

Optimist

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"So besides opera and lurking, what do you do to relax?"

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.