Dark Humor Aficionados Gifts

Tattoo Removal

Instead of hunting gazelle tonight, let's call maintenance, say we have a short and eat the electrician when he arrives.

"By the way, if I don't make it I'd like a burial at sea."

'This is your rest area. It also happens to be where I invented the bicycle seat.'

'Most people just put their elderly parents into a care home!'

BRINGGGG!, 'I TOLD you to turn off your cell phone!'

"We didn't know what to get the man who has everything. So we burned down your house first."

'You'll never guess where I'm calling from!'

"Oh nothing much, a couple of bills and a final demand from the mafia."

'We'll need a fast car... In approximately ten minutes...'

'The antidepressant failed preliminary testing. I still hate working here.'

"What a pro."

'You can't solve ALL your problems by beheading them.'

'It's good to know that safety is being taken seriously...'

"Say, buddy, how about a 30 day trial membership before I actually commit?"

I'm sorry, Mrs. Callahan, but it doesn't look like he's gonna pull through. We're gonna hafta pull the plug. Of course, that means we'll all die too - but that's the price of modern science.

'No. No. Don't bomb them now. Wait until morning, when the birds are singing and the air is alive with a sense of possibility.'

Grim Reaper at the Internal Revenue Service

The undertaker.

'...Acrimonious divorce, press 12, if you are feeling suicidal, press 13, if you are...'

Harry Houdini

The Grim Reaper is standing at the airport baggage claim waiting to pick up his scythe case from the luggage conveyor.

'I have to say, the nuclear capability makes her even scarier.'

"Come on Sid, you're carrying a donor card, how about something for the pot?"

Poor chap was busy concentrating on his 'I can make you thin' CD when the truck squashed him flat.

'It's a new medication I'm working on, but the side effects are monsterous.'

Busking with a Gun

'Well, he always wanted a permanent position.'

Man hanging by chains in dungeon, arrow in chest with message saying: 'Help is at hand.'

But the really great thing about these multifuel stoves is that you can burn almost ANYTHING in them!

How to Tell if a Country Has the Bomb

'I'll even throw in a free T-shirt.'

'If you're bored do some writing.You could start by writing your will.'

"Welcome Death, Inc."

A woman waters her vegetables and her buried husband.