Dark Humor Fans Gifts

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

"I guess we'd be considered a family. We're living together, we love each other, and we haven't eaten the children yet."

"So gentlemen, new ship, new crew, what say we start our inaugural team meeting with an ice-breaker?"

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

Searching for water in the desert.

Mourning break.

'Dude, I know the building is on fire, but I'm gambling online, and I'm on a winning streak. I can't leave now.'

"Why don't you try a different style of gambling? Like Russian roulette."

"Gentlemen, our troubles are over, this is Tony 'The Torch' Barbella"

'My friends, as a result of our experimentation, we have just lost a dear and valued colleague...'

'You're going to meet a tall, dark stranger.'

'Not cremated exactly, but barbecued would be okay.'

'It's a living.'

"You couldn't resist telling him about your vasectomy could you?!"

'Houston..Er..I don't know how to tell you this..'

'All right, fellow anarchists, synchronize your watches.'

Blood Desert

'Cheerio, Fred, have a lousy day.'

"Look, at least we're talking."

Funeral Directors signs say 'Sale - Shop till you drop!'

'Plot spoiler: he dies.'

"So far, the collapse of civilization hasn't particularly affected my life style."

"If your guys aren't going to show, let's just call it a day."

'The crime round here is quite blatant'.

'Excuse me - any news of my rehabilitation programme?'

"L'chaim... to life!"

Humpty Dumpty is on a wall in front of a firing squad.

Beats me how he got mixed up with the mafia in the first place.

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

'Why am I not surprised?'

"Hi, its me, I'm on the track"

Former Survivalist

"At least he died at home."

'Harvesting already, I see...'

'He wouldn't stop telling me his whole boring life story. I finally had to end it.'