Dark Humor Fans Gifts

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

"I guess we'd be considered a family. We're living together, we love each other, and we haven't eaten the children yet."

"So gentlemen, new ship, new crew, what say we start our inaugural team meeting with an ice-breaker?"

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

'Dude, I know the building is on fire, but I'm gambling online, and I'm on a winning streak. I can't leave now.'

Mourning break.

Searching for water in the desert.

"Gentlemen, our troubles are over, this is Tony 'The Torch' Barbella"

"Why don't you try a different style of gambling? Like Russian roulette."

'My friends, as a result of our experimentation, we have just lost a dear and valued colleague...'

'You're going to meet a tall, dark stranger.'

'It's a living.'

'Not cremated exactly, but barbecued would be okay.'

"Look, at least we're talking."

Blood Desert

"You couldn't resist telling him about your vasectomy could you?!"

'Houston..Er..I don't know how to tell you this..'

'All right, fellow anarchists, synchronize your watches.'

'Cheerio, Fred, have a lousy day.'

'Eat your peas!'

"So far, the collapse of civilization hasn't particularly affected my life style."

"If your guys aren't going to show, let's just call it a day."

'We're grilling the suspect now, captain.'

"At least he died at home."

'Why am I not surprised?'

"L'chaim... to life!"

'When I applied here for the advertised human resource position I had no idea that I was the resource.'

'When you say I made the cut, is that a good thing or a bad thing?'

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

Trilby - 'Ah! The beautiful interment, messieurs!'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'We now have enough nuclear weapons to blow up the earth sixteen times, which should finally take care of the mole problem in my front yard!'

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

'Well he doesn't get it from my side of the family.'

'Excuse me - any news of my rehabilitation programme?'