Fans Of Dark Humor Gifts

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

Stalkers Register

Geez... I didn't even know Santa had a hit list!'

Politically incorrect cliche (blind man with seeing eye dog begging)

'Actually, I'm completely legit - I make a living appearing in police lineups.'

Blackmail is such an ugly word...Don't you agree?

'The good news is that it's your birthday - Happy birthday!'

Directional sign: beyond redemption, beneath contempt.

'Life is a piece of s**t.' 'Yeah, great, isn't it?'

You can't go back.

"This stew is as black as soot."

"We're letting you out on parole."

"Do you remember I asked you not to call me at work?"

"I'm a kleptomaniac - but I'm taking something for it. . ."

". . . and now, someone who needs no introduction. . ."

'Down here, greed is totally unregulated.'

"On the plus side, my back hasn't felt this good in years."

Vet's car has broken down and he shoots it.

'I was here first. How about a little professional courtesy?'

'I couldn't find anything in the rest of the house. Mind if I look under your mattress?'

'You were manic yesterday? That's a riot - I was depressive.'

"To save the inconvenience of future muggings would you be interested in setting up an online payment facility?"

Danish Daredevil

"Dang...I might have killed him, but I can't shake the feeling that got the better of me..."

A flasher reveals he is a monster underneath his clothes.

"It's refreshing to meet a despot with a sense of ergonomics."

"Hello, and welcome to Victor and Igor's latest unboxing video."

(Death takes a working Holiday)

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.