Aficionados Of Dark Humor Gifts

"Who yelled 'fire?'"

'First, let me confirm a rumor. The next round of cuts will go deeper than originally announced.'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

"The Eggsorcist"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

The practical psychopath

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Pastries and Candy

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"Puss in cement boots"

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

End the Winter Blues

"I thought you wanted me to change."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"I'm the bad guy..."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

Optimist

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"