Aficionados Of Dark Humor Gifts

"Who yelled 'fire?'"

'First, let me confirm a rumor. The next round of cuts will go deeper than originally announced.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

The practical psychopath

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"I'm the bad guy..."

"Puss in cement boots"

"The Eggsorcist"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

Pastries and Candy

End the Winter Blues

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

"I thought you wanted me to change."

Optimist

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."