Dark Humor Devotees Pillows

"I don't care what anyone says, I'm cold."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Dead Funny

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Puss in cement boots"

The practical psychopath

Pastries and Candy

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

"Housekeeping?!"

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

End the Winter Blues

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"I'm the bad guy..."

Optimist

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"So besides opera and lurking, what do you do to relax?"

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."