Dark Humor Devotee Gifts

"Any chance we could stop by my broker's house?"

'Dennis it doesn't have to be like this, we can cancel the dental appointment if you like.'

Charles Addams.

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

The End is Near

"Well this is a shock. I had you pictured in solids."

"Next time, don't let your anxieties build up ... "

"Oh, come on. How can you be surprised to see me?"

'Why are you here now?!'

'I'm sorry, sir, we don't give senior discounts.'

'So do I get the job or not?'

'Are you the devil to pay?'

The Un-Welcome Wagon.

"The Good Food Guide awards the borgias three crosses and a wreath."

'Can you hold it for a minute? We need your vote.'

The Fifth Annual Crow Convention - "If you ask me, I reckon it looks like a murder!"

A hearse with a vulture hood ornament.

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

Homicide - life on Sesame Street

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Vlad the Impala

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'