Dark Humor Enthusiast Gifts

A couple watches as a frog in a wheelchair exits a restaurant's kitchen near a sign that says "Try our Frog's legs".

"You never think it's going to happen to you."

"I like it after the holidays, when the crowds are gone."

A visually impaired man with a white cane accidentally kills pigeons

"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

7 Dwarves of Midlife.

"No, I can't explain it. He was alive when I buried him."

"Don't talk to me about suffering - in my spare time, I'm a writer."

"Tell us that really scary story again... the one about how they make chicken nuggets!"

"Whatever isn't cigarette butts in there is Harold."

"He's a very controlling person."

"Admit it, we're lost."

I am an insane eye doctor and I am going to kill you now...

"Harriet? You'll never guess who's here!"

"If you don't have any small children, you can substitute mushrooms."

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

"You do you."

'I should fire you! But quite frankly I can have much more fun if I keep you on and make your life a living hell.'

"Comparing lawyers to doctors. Lawyers only rob you. Doctors rob you and kill you."

'...the Market's rallied again.'

"Great news, Phil! The governor has determined that you don't have a high enough I.Q. to merit execution."

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

Mole News: Obituaries

"You've got six months, but with aggressive treatment we can help make that seem much longer."

"No wonder your arm aches. Shackles should be placed at eye level. Man, it's an ergonomic nightmare down here."

Here Lies Frederick Jones - Verbal: 680....Math: 720.

"Oh dear did we neglect to read the contract thoroughly?"

'We've merged.'

"What can I do? Fuel prices are so high."

'My parents died. Their parents died. Their parents died...it runs in the family.'

'If you've already sent in your payment, kindly disregard this friendly reminder.'

He's obviously depressed,let's label him and see if several years of unemployment and poor relationships helps his condition.

"He won the right to die without dignity."

"Relax, honey - change is good."