Dark Humor Aficionado Gifts

"You had good intentions. Let's find you a nice job paving roads."

'But on the bright side, I was able to find a loophole that should solve your little tax problem.'

Sayonara

"No, the other one."

Swastika Toilet Brush

His master's vice - heroin!

'He's our new Pallitative Specialist!'

'For the last time, it's called a 'win-win' contract. Nobody gets whacked.'

The Silent Highwayman on the Filthy Thames

"Our funding ran out again. Whip up another batch of crystal meth."

'I've heard so much about you.' 'All bad I hope?'

Suicide by Domino

'Congratulations! It's an obesity time bomb'

"I'm so conflicted."

Motivational Tools.

'Wait! Wait a minute! Would you hold my glasses?'

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'Mind filling out this evaluation form first?'

'I see you've listed your assets as totaling 100,000, but that's based on counting the street value of your organs,'

'You know, you're even starting to scare me...'

'It's our newest cremation model. Tank sold separately.'

'Come to think of it, he doesn't need to give us the information. I can just look it up on the Internet.'

'You're welcome son.'

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

Trophies of debt collector's heads.

'Why, yes, I am in politics...how did you know?'

'You should have read those software licensing agreements more thoroughly.'

'. . . Press 1 to book an appointment. . . press 2 for a doctor. . . press 3 for an ambulance. . .'

"And, sir, in your expert, professional opinion, was the victim already deceased when the defendant arrived at the scene?"

Mobster R&D

The team building exercises became more and more fun.

"You call this 'death with dignity'?"

Doing the Right Thing

'We take late returns very seriously at this library Mr Wilson!'

"But think of all the things you're not going to die of."