Dark Comedy Aficionado Gifts

'I just figure out why this house isn't selling.'

Santa takibng reindeer head to pawn shop.

Football player has head instead of ball.

"For God's sake, Jenkins, don't jump - you could hit someone on the head!"

'You've got six months to live -- but on the plus side they're naming the disease after me.'

Wash and Go...to hell...

101 uses of a dead cat: pipe tamper.

The grim reaper (of humans) and the angel of death (for dogs) are foreshadowing the imminent death of a man and his doh.

'Fido's looking old, don't you think, Cynthia?'

'Ok guys, lights out!...Is everyone uncomfortable?!'

'Cut me some slackers.'

Hitchcock's The Birds

"...It was a very moving service. He was laid out on a bed of mashed sweet potatoes and covered in gravy..."

Jackson's greatest fear was that he would die laughing.

"As a vegan vampire I suck, but I don't swallow."

"No thanks, I'll roll my own."

Graves: Ernest Moss Ventriloquists. . . 'Georgie'

"Let them sleep 10 more minutes then fetch my shotgun."

"I wonder if we'll manage to keep our wicked new year's resolutions again..."

"Hmm... everyone seems to be in a good mood today...!"

"It's so nice just to be dead for the summer."

Dracula on Facebook.

"He passed away last week. Can I give him a message?"

Roman Polanski to the Rescue

"I'm fifty years old, Susan."

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

Please Wait to be Heated. (Two new arrivals enter Hell.)

Ok, ok, hand me your clothes and I'll do those, too.

"I love your eggs."

'Needs more cold medicine and paint thinner or the crystal won't form.'

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

'Senator Harvil will explain how private health care with a public trigger option will work.'

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

'What boss, did you say you wanted me to bury the body?'

'Oh, they're simply looking for newly available apartment openings.'