Fan Of Dark Comedy Gifts

"Wanna make out?": What would later be known as Bob's remarkable near-death experience.

Mr Whippy whipping his customers.

"I hate being watched while I work."

"You want to go already? It's not closing time yet, Gurkenman! I'll take that out of your pay!"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The practical psychopath

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"I'm the bad guy..."

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"I thought you wanted me to change."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

Optimist