Dark Comedy Enthusiasts Gifts

'It was my late grandmother's. She would've wanted you to have it.'

"My motto was 'Go with the Flow," but I had no idea it ended up here."

“Some day, Paulie, we’re going to look back at this moment and say, ‘Remember that time we whacked Eddie?’”

'I'm sorry, Mr. Corleone, but all of our hit girls are out on assignment.'

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

101 uses of a dead cat: vehicle bumpers.

"You failed in marketing, you failed as a caretaker but you're not a total loss... At least I could sell your kidneys."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Dead Funny

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Pastries and Candy

End the Winter Blues

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Puss in cement boots"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

The Scarecrow Gets A Brain From Igor

100 best beheadings

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

'Will you be wanting this?'

"I lose more girlfriends that way."

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."