Dark Comedy Lovers Gifts

'At last, an ethics committee that will listen to reason!'

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'This is no time for 'knock knock' jokes!'

CEO Bonus - 'Those in favor of my exhorbitant bonus say 'aye'. Those opposed say, 'Good heavens, I've been shot!'

"I never thought I'd have to move back in with my parents."

'You know, it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.'

'I've had no appetite ever since I developed a bleeding ulcer!'

'Wouldn't it be terrible to be buried in a cardboard box.'

'He's been very lucky - itstarted off as a suicide note!'

They're all guys who got whacked in here.

Christmas Sale Special

'What I'm really going to miss, is the compound interest!'

'Volumizing is riskier than I thought.'

'You're a sight for sore eyes.'

'Poor Fred - I didn't know you could DIE of hypochondria.'

Smile...an anaconda just ate your husband.

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin..."

"For Pete's sake Harold, take mine. These banks have cameras you know."

"Business is real slow dad. We need to rethink our marketing strategy."

'This credit card company called...'

'Your first job will be to get Cromwell to clear out his desk.'

'Harlow, perhaps you should go back to SMOKING!'

'So, how was your day?'

Divorce lawyers offering a Bride and Groom their business cards.

'7th inning, stretch time.'

'He comes from a dysfunctional family. His kid's a cop!'

"Kids and grand kids squared away forever ago. All set with money. No energy for a whole court thing. So-o-o... maybe you just die?" "Whatever makes you happy, sweet cheeks."

Re-Invade Afghanistan!

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"You have a small piece of brain stuck in your teeth."

"I had that, only worse."

"You've got to admit—he looks good."

"It looks like the internal bleeding should - I'm sorry. It's taking everything in my power not to tickle you right now."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.