Dark Humor Aficionado Pillows

"You had good intentions. Let's find you a nice job paving roads."

'But on the bright side, I was able to find a loophole that should solve your little tax problem.'

Sayonara

"No, the other one."

Swastika Toilet Brush

His master's vice - heroin!

'He's our new Pallitative Specialist!'

'For the last time, it's called a 'win-win' contract. Nobody gets whacked.'

The Silent Highwayman on the Filthy Thames

"Our funding ran out again. Whip up another batch of crystal meth."

Suicide by Domino

'I've heard so much about you.' 'All bad I hope?'

'Congratulations! It's an obesity time bomb'

'Wait! Wait a minute! Would you hold my glasses?'

'Before you're released, would you mind taking our exit survey?'

Motivational Tools.

"I'm so conflicted."

'I see you've listed your assets as totaling 100,000, but that's based on counting the street value of your organs,'

'Mind filling out this evaluation form first?'

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'You know, you're even starting to scare me...'

'You're welcome son.'

'Come to think of it, he doesn't need to give us the information. I can just look it up on the Internet.'

'It's our newest cremation model. Tank sold separately.'

Trophies of debt collector's heads.

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

'. . . Press 1 to book an appointment. . . press 2 for a doctor. . . press 3 for an ambulance. . .'

'Why, yes, I am in politics...how did you know?'

'You should have read those software licensing agreements more thoroughly.'

Doing the Right Thing

"And, sir, in your expert, professional opinion, was the victim already deceased when the defendant arrived at the scene?"

Mobster R&D

"You call this 'death with dignity'?"

The team building exercises became more and more fun.

'We take late returns very seriously at this library Mr Wilson!'