Aficionado Of Dark Humor Pillows

Bless this Hearse

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Vlad the Impala

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Dead Funny

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Housekeeping?!"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

The practical psychopath

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?