Fan Of Dark Humor Pillows

"Yep! Should have gone with plan 'B'!"

Hey Doug just out of interest, did you run a reference check on that new guy?

'It's been three days. I think we can safely say that their efforts to resuscitate you have failed.'

"Sometimes good things just happen. Try not to beat yourself up over it."

'How long have you had this death wish?'

"What happened to the hospital gown you were given?"

"Are you the chap who thinks he's a lightbulb?"

Laughing Policeman: Insert One Prozac

'Really mother, must you always be so dramatic?'

Lemmings leap: 'Can you talk him into it, he's threatening not to jump...'

'Conman - talked his way in apparently...'

'I got 75 years -- I was driving under the influence, and I ran over an endangered species.'

Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Death, Pestilence, (Drugs) War, Famine.

Welcome to Hell.

Execution.

Hell.

'Here's my plan. First we blind them with moral righteousness...'

Urinal Danger.

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'Come on in! You're just in time!'

Maurice has a brush with Death...

Cockroaches standing by 'launch missiles' button - "...all I'm saying is. If there was a nuclear war, us roach types would come out on top."

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

'Oh, drat. My cell phone battery is dead.'

...And that was the last I heard of either of them.

A funeral parlor next to a casino has a sign saying 'Cash In Your Chips Here.'

'I'm sorry I shot you for jaywalking, sir, but this is my first day on the job.'

'Ditch the 'Men in Black' shades, Timkins.'

"Don't worry. He doesn't mean it. It's just the way he talks."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"It's been a year. Seriously. No one cares anymore."

"It's not you, Larry …. I just need some solitary confinement time."

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.