Dark Comedy Buff Gifts

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Dead Funny

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"Housekeeping?!"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

End the Winter Blues

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?