Dark Comedy Buff T-Shirts

'Look, we don't want any trouble! All we ask is that you sign this release form in case you get hurt while you burglarize our house.'

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

Dead Funny

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"I'm the bad guy..."

End the Winter Blues

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Housekeeping?!"

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."