Dairy-free Adventurer Gifts

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

International House of Excrement

The mission: Impossible burger.

The Nihilist Deli.

'New Barbeque.'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

'I don't care if we mostly eat protein - on a hot day like this I have a craving for ice cream.'

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

'It's your own fault - you act like an absolute fool whenever he lets you off it.'

"You're the one who wanted to go someplace off the beaten track - you ask him what's gluten free."

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

'There's nothing in gay non smoking... but I can give you an aisle seat in vegetarian bikers.'

Obese Hansel and Grettle

'His snacks and his meals are beginning to OVERLAP!'

"More protein? How about some veggies once in a while?"

"There's no such thing as a vegan flytrap."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

What to serve to meet most dietary restrictions

"No fog lips, rat guts or bat teeth? I hate going vegan!"

"I'm in the mood for meat."

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

"If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

'Your tests show a mild protein deficiency...Have you thought about accepting cheeses into your life?'

'My secret for long life? I've always drunk, smoked, made out with women...and hated yogurt.'

"I'll have the vegan."

"I've gone vegan."

"You think I'm a raw-foodist by choice?"

'I'd track the cow's production on Excel if I could turn on the computer.'