Gluten-free Adventurer Gifts

"You're the one who wanted to go someplace off the beaten track - you ask him what's gluten free."

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Holiday Supplies

Garlic Free Zone.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

Anti-inflammation recipes

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

Platter confusion.

Sisyphus Sawyer

International House of Excrement

The mission: Impossible burger.

Decaying corpse

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

Picasso

'New Barbeque.'

'Order fast, folks - the prices have an expiration date.'

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."