Gluten-free Adventurer Gifts

"You're the one who wanted to go someplace off the beaten track - you ask him what's gluten free."

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Holiday Supplies

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

Platter confusion.

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

Anti-inflammation recipes

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

Sisyphus Sawyer

International House of Excrement

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

'New Barbeque.'

Picasso

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Order fast, folks - the prices have an expiration date.'

Decaying corpse

"Would you like the Death by Chocolate, Cheesecake, Brownie, Fudge, or just peacefully while you sleep?"