Daily Show Fan Gifts

Highlights from the Million Moderate March

Applause

Astral Projection

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

Dr. Phil takes it home.

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Clive Anderson

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

Out of Context Nite with Jeremy Clarkson.

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

The Mom quiz show

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

Life stripped bare

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

"Binge-watching squirrels. What are you doing?"

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

Celebrity Clerk: Schrodinger's Cat.