Tv Talk Show Fan Gifts

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

"Today on 'Oprah' those who are still employed, and the people who love them."

"Two 'Charlie roses' doesn't make you a Middle East scholar!"

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

'Next on Moral Issues Talk TV: should Venus fly traps who are vegetarians be considered cannibals and be banned in Red states?'

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

Graham Norton

"Have you actually tried all the receipes in your book?"

"Any chance Piers Morgan's available?"

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

'Has Oprah ever been married?'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

"The real question is whether health care is a basic human right or a bona-fide commercial opportunity."

Clive Anderson

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Night Life: L.A.

Dr. Kapuchnik, I notice that you've been quoting Dr. Phil a lot lately. That's because I'm hoping that if he sees me sucking up to him in the comics, he'll bankroll the TV-show proposal I sent to his production company, Gasbag Enterprises.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"