Radio Talk Show Fan Gifts

"Welcome to Ask Sadie. You're on, Vancouver. What's your problem?" "I met this really cool guy who makes my toes go numb..." "...but I'd already been talking to another guy. The thing is, I want them both. Is that selfish?" "Excellent question." "This reminds me of the time I went to the Sizzler salad bar. I wanted both the ranch dressing and the vinaigrette. So what I did was, I poured both of them all over my lettuce at the same time." "Metaphor." "No, just two." "...Wait...what?"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

Books recommended by Oprah and Howard Stern.

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

As a doctor I can only tell you that the jury is still out as regards the benefits of cannabis in a medical context,however it is my personal opinion that this particular sample would make one bitchin spliff.

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

Retired Talk Show Host.

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

'Alan's claim to fame is that he was once a Jay Leno punch line.'

"Frankly, that sounds like the sort of thing a cat would say.."

"First caller is Rudolph, from the North Pole, you're on Rudolph. What's your problem?!. . . And before you speak, lt me just remind everyone that I spent ten years as a detective specializing in tracking down prank callers and mercilessly destroying their self-esteem."

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."