Late-night Show Fan Gifts

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"When Donald Trump said it, you said 'Politically Incorrect' was a welcome change."

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Applause

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

Clive Anderson

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"Granted, there's no business like show business, but that's not the business I know."

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

David Letterman

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

'We've got 'Jumpin' Jake' Stevens on drums, 'Slick' Chuck on bass and 'Wasted Pete' Walthons on the trumpet.'

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

"That's what I call an off-off-off-off-off Broadway show!"

Retired Talk Show Host.

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

Ostrich TV.

Tommy Cooper

Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Kenosha. What's your problem?! I'm a grad student pursuing my PhD. in robotics. Under the recent tax plan that passed the House, I'd have to count my tuition waiver as income, even though I never received any actual money. This would put me in a higher tax bracket and I'd have to drop out because I could never afford to pay those taxes. Good riddance, Poindexter. Science is nothing but gobbledygook anyway. Studies have shown that's not the case.