Cynical Patient Pillows

'It's the health trusts policy to offer the patient choice, whenever possible, Mr. Lumb.'

Do Not Resuscitate

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Famous Oxymorons...

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Will Self deprecation

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

Dirty Tricks Dept.

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

Cash Rebate

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'That's it?'