Cynic At Heart Pillows

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

"Look, I'm going to need a better description. It so happens a LOT of people have lost their innocence in the past few years!"

"There's a sucker born every minute."

'You're looking for an honest man? What a coincidence! - I have one right there in that alley!'

'It's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing...and that wraps up today's news...'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Famous Oxymorons...

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

Will Self deprecation

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"